The ups and downs of this depression have become more than I've wanted to deal with. It feels like there's no solution. That I'll being dealing with it for the rest of my life. And yesterday I became angry at God. Why is there no solution? Why don't you end this? Why don't you let something work to take it away or take me home.
Today, I heard the song from Casting Crowns "Who Am I" This was a song that God brought into my life another time when I was struggling with my life. It reminds me that I'm small in comparison to His will for my life. Romans 8:28 tells me He works all things for my good.
I can't say that I'm finding this easy to let go of. That there isn't a part of me that says, okay you want this for my good, but please won't you let it end now. But I am glad that though I'm thick headed and don't always remember lessons learned or find them hard to put into practice, He still loves me.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
"Quench my thirst"
The struggle with depression and anxiety is on again. It's actually been going on since the late summer. And I'm really trying to trust God on why it continues. The question of why doesn't He heal me has been going around in my brain. But God reassures me that He created me, He knows me intimately and He has a purpose.
I just read a devotion in which the author's sister has MS and the author had lost hope. She wrote a prayer at the end of the devotion that struck a chord in my heart.
"...Please quench my thirst for understanding with reassurance of Your faithfulness. I ask that you guard my heart from the temptation to focus on the problem, instead of the One who holds everything in His hands."
And this verse has come to mind; "I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:10
I just read a devotion in which the author's sister has MS and the author had lost hope. She wrote a prayer at the end of the devotion that struck a chord in my heart.
"...Please quench my thirst for understanding with reassurance of Your faithfulness. I ask that you guard my heart from the temptation to focus on the problem, instead of the One who holds everything in His hands."
And this verse has come to mind; "I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:10
Sunday, August 16, 2009
"Oh, I'm a failure!"
(In case you don't recognize the quote, it's from the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz)
I have to confess that the previous blog and the frustration I mentioned comes out of a feeling of personal failure. The Sunday School class that I know God has directed me to teach is not doing well. There is usually only about 3 others there. And I question, "what am I doing wrong?" I know that what is personal failure to me doesn't matter as long as I'm doing what the Lord asks of me. Still, it does bother me alot!!!
So, to any I've offended with what I wrote I apologize for the offense. In my opinion, Sunday School and church should be priorities in Christian's lives. But, you have to do what God is directing you to do. Just pray to see what His will is in regards to Sunday school and church.
I have to confess that the previous blog and the frustration I mentioned comes out of a feeling of personal failure. The Sunday School class that I know God has directed me to teach is not doing well. There is usually only about 3 others there. And I question, "what am I doing wrong?" I know that what is personal failure to me doesn't matter as long as I'm doing what the Lord asks of me. Still, it does bother me alot!!!
So, to any I've offended with what I wrote I apologize for the offense. In my opinion, Sunday School and church should be priorities in Christian's lives. But, you have to do what God is directing you to do. Just pray to see what His will is in regards to Sunday school and church.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Is attending church required?
Since I grew up in a Christian home every Sunday we had to attend church and Sunday School. The only time you didn't go was if you were sick. So, I brought this question up to the Sunday school class 2 weeks ago, is it being legalistic to say as a Christian you have to attend church (and Sunday school)? The Bible says "don't forget the assembling of yourselves."
I'm not a person who believes you have to go to church everytime the doors are open, nor do I think that there isn't time when it is okay to stay home, but it seems in our society that people only go when it is convenient. And it seems that other things in our lives become a higher priority than worship on Sunday mornings. "I work hard all week, it's the only day I get to sleep in." "The grass needed mowing." etc, etc. So, then it leads me to other questions, if I don't go to church then when do I find time to fellowship not only with other believers but with God himself? When do I take time to worship? And if I have children isn't it important for them to learn the Bible stories? Which brings up me to something else that bothers me about not attending; what about our kids? As a Christian parent I'm responsible for them and their spiritual training. So, if I don't attend church or Sunday school what about their learning?
I have to admit that this particular blog posting is coming out of frustration. Even one of my own children doesn't see Sunday school and church as a priority. And every Sunday morning I come in from Sunday school and see families who are only attending church services and don't bring their kids for Sunday school.
Okay, so, am I being too legalistic. Yes, I know that to a degree I am. So, tell me what do you think about this subject.
I'm not a person who believes you have to go to church everytime the doors are open, nor do I think that there isn't time when it is okay to stay home, but it seems in our society that people only go when it is convenient. And it seems that other things in our lives become a higher priority than worship on Sunday mornings. "I work hard all week, it's the only day I get to sleep in." "The grass needed mowing." etc, etc. So, then it leads me to other questions, if I don't go to church then when do I find time to fellowship not only with other believers but with God himself? When do I take time to worship? And if I have children isn't it important for them to learn the Bible stories? Which brings up me to something else that bothers me about not attending; what about our kids? As a Christian parent I'm responsible for them and their spiritual training. So, if I don't attend church or Sunday school what about their learning?
I have to admit that this particular blog posting is coming out of frustration. Even one of my own children doesn't see Sunday school and church as a priority. And every Sunday morning I come in from Sunday school and see families who are only attending church services and don't bring their kids for Sunday school.
Okay, so, am I being too legalistic. Yes, I know that to a degree I am. So, tell me what do you think about this subject.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Time
From a devotional I was reading today: " 2 Peter 3:10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night, in which the heavens will pass away with a great noise: and the elements will melt with fervent heat; both the earth and the works that are in it will be burned up.
There is a day coming when this earth will burn and those of us in Christ will be safe with Him. For those not in Christ, they will spend eternity forever separated from Him in a terrible place called Hell."
In this past week 3 celebrities have passed away. One of whom was completely unexpected. My immediate thought when I heard about Michael Jackson was that he's probably now in hell. How many more do we see everyday who face the same eternity? What are we doing to bring them to Christ? We go to church every Sunday, worship, sing songs but then what do we do? How are we (how am I) reaching out to others that are lost? There's a world out there dying to know Jesus.
Lord, here am I. Use me!
There is a day coming when this earth will burn and those of us in Christ will be safe with Him. For those not in Christ, they will spend eternity forever separated from Him in a terrible place called Hell."
In this past week 3 celebrities have passed away. One of whom was completely unexpected. My immediate thought when I heard about Michael Jackson was that he's probably now in hell. How many more do we see everyday who face the same eternity? What are we doing to bring them to Christ? We go to church every Sunday, worship, sing songs but then what do we do? How are we (how am I) reaching out to others that are lost? There's a world out there dying to know Jesus.
Lord, here am I. Use me!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Praise God from whom all blessings flow
My Blessings!!!
1: Friday night I started my vacation!!! A week of relaxing. I only have minimal plans and the rest of the time I'll take the moments as they come.
2: This past weekend my family had a surprise 50th birthday party for me. Praise you God, for such a family. Gary and the kids had a quilt made for me that is just beautiful.
3. I survived Darien Lake amusement park. On Sunday Kels, Rachael, Tim and I spent the day there. My wonderful daughter in law believes that when you ride roller coaster you have to ride the front seat. Kels and I sat behind her in the second row. What a rush!!! I prayed alot as we went up the hills and screamed even more as we came down the hills.
Dear Father, You have blessed me with many, many things. I thank you for Jesus. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for my family. Thank you for a chance to refresh this week physically, emotionally and spiritually.
May my life this week please you
In Jesus Name
Amen
1: Friday night I started my vacation!!! A week of relaxing. I only have minimal plans and the rest of the time I'll take the moments as they come.
2: This past weekend my family had a surprise 50th birthday party for me. Praise you God, for such a family. Gary and the kids had a quilt made for me that is just beautiful.
3. I survived Darien Lake amusement park. On Sunday Kels, Rachael, Tim and I spent the day there. My wonderful daughter in law believes that when you ride roller coaster you have to ride the front seat. Kels and I sat behind her in the second row. What a rush!!! I prayed alot as we went up the hills and screamed even more as we came down the hills.
Dear Father, You have blessed me with many, many things. I thank you for Jesus. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for my family. Thank you for a chance to refresh this week physically, emotionally and spiritually.
May my life this week please you
In Jesus Name
Amen
Monday, June 15, 2009
Kelsey
My thoughts for this blog had been that it wasn't going to be about my everyday life. That it was going to only be about my walk as a Christian. But, tonight my heart is heavy. My 18 yr old has just graduated from high school and she has no direction.
But my sadness for her is not really all about that. Kelsey is still a child in so many ways. And she's deeply afraid. And along with all of that she really needs Jesus. At 5 she asked Him into her heart but now she needs to KNOW Him.
Please pray for her. Please pray for Gary & I that we have the wisdom needed to help her.
But my sadness for her is not really all about that. Kelsey is still a child in so many ways. And she's deeply afraid. And along with all of that she really needs Jesus. At 5 she asked Him into her heart but now she needs to KNOW Him.
Please pray for her. Please pray for Gary & I that we have the wisdom needed to help her.
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