Being known

(Though I'm just writing God, I'm including Christ in this as well. One word for both Beings. I'm not sure about the Holy Spirit yet. Because even though they are one, relationally, I'm not sure how to wrap my brain around how to address Him in this writing.)
In the last few months God has placed either articles, conversations or books in front of me that speak of His love and a relationship with Him. And though I've been a Christian for over 35 yrs I haven't had a clear relationship with Him. It's been more about a saviour and being saved and less about being a daughter to the King. And though I've prayed to God as Father and sought His face and wanted to do His will and to please Him I realize that I haven't really known God. What I'm discovering is this truly personal Father (Saviour and Brother) who loves me. And it's amazing. In my pastor's sermon on Sunday and today in a message I heard from Chuck Swindoll, they both spoke on being about to go to God in prayer, boldly and privileged. How it's my right as a daughter to be able to do this. I was taught this growing up but it just never really hit home until now.
[My words are woefully inadequate in describing how this is impacting me.]
Being known is frightening. A psychologist I've been seeing gave me an article today. And while reading it I realize that as much as I want to be known it's scary. It creates a vulnerability.
And I thought about God's love, how huge it is, how He already knows me, how He always has. And I feel His arms holding me.

God's love

"You have loved us first, O God, alas! We speak of it in terms of history as if You loved us first but a single time, rather than that without ceasing You have loved us first many times and everyday and our whole life through. When we wake up in the morning and turn our soul toward You - You are there first - You have loved us first; if I rise at dawn and at that same second turn my soul toward You in prayer, You are there ahead of me, You have loved me first. When I withdraw from the distractions of the day and turn my soul toward You, You are there first and thus forever. And we speak ungratefully as if You have loved us first only once."

A prayer by Soren Kierkegaard

I want to live in a monastery

I understand why monks like to live in monasteris. I really enjoy being in church. When I'm there I don't want to leave. It's like my heart and soul are finally quiet enough that I hear God speaking and can sense His presence. Even now, sitting here typing, I want to sense that communion that I had there. And I know it's not the building. It's not the pastor or Sunday school class. It's hard to put into words what it actually is. But my soul longs for it, cries for it. Maybe it has to do with what I wrote a few sentences ago about being quiet, listening, communing.
Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Church, along with others is putting out a new magazine. In it, he has written an article on how to have quiet time with God. He wrote, "where you have your quiet time is just as important as when. .......... Wherever you choose, make it a sacred place - a place you set aside to meet each day with the Lord of the universe." I guess that's what I feel like when I've been at church, I've met with the Lord of the universe and I just want to stay there. Because much of my time spent in devotions or reading "Christian" magazines is just going through religious motions. That I'm doing them for appearance.